My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
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