i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
