We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
