Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
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who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
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I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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