He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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