By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just want to make out with him forever
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
