Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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