I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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