Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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