Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize