He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
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Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
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If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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