I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months