yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Found the puke drawer
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?