tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
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Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
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I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.