I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?