Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"