U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
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I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
His wife isnโt coming to the wedding! Iโve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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