I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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