i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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