Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
so much tequila, so little girl.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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