Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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