I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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