I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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