Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?