can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.