Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.