my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.