I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You pole danced in your parka.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line