OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
