he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Boobs speak an international language.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
