What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
