I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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