"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
