I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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