i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
barbara walters just said penis...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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