So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I am one with the molecules
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
