I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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