Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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