You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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