Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange