i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.