Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
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Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.