youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina