I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize