omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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