are you still at the devil's house?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
