you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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