If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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