i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Farmville is her only friend.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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