at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
