she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
