someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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