Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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