I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize