We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good