About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.