you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Dating After Heartbreak
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door