i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later