why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.