Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
