One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
