I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
