I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
