whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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