You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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