wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
