Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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